The Truth About Why Women Hate Each Other

We’ve all been there. There is always that one woman who immediately turns into an ice queen upon the very sight of you, despite you having done absolutely nothing to wrong her in any way. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret:

She hates you because you’re awesome.

Wait, let’s back up. I need to ask you a question. Are you arrogant, manipulative, self-entitled, passive-aggressive, judgmental, rude, or unpleasant?

If your answer is yes, please work on your personality and then report back to us. If your answer is “why, certainly not!” then read on. This article is for you and all the other nice and sweet ladies out there who, for the life of them, cannot figure out why other women suddenly turn frosty in their presence.

It’s not you; it’s them.

While there are some beautiful, supportive, and secure women roaming the earth (a shout out to my wonderful female friends!) most women are just catty creatures by nature.

Sorry, but it’s true. Women are inherently jealous, competitive, and sometimes insecure. I realize that I’m treading dangerous territory by admitting this, but stay with me for a minute before you assemble a mob and come looking for me with pitchforks and shovels. Anyone who has been to a high school cafeteria has witnessed brutal female competition firsthand, but in other places, such as an office setting, it’s far more subtle and indirect.

Why is that?

It’s human nature to be competitive. It’s impossible not to feel inclined to compete with someone else at some point in your life. Unfortunately, we live in a society where it’s still socially acceptable for men to directly express their competitive nature while this quality is deemed undesirable in women. So what do we ladies do? We manipulate, lash out at others, or turn on ourselves. We ultimately fail to face our competitive feelings directly or to learn to deal with them in a positive way. This results in a slew of catty, gossipy, passive-aggressive behavior in young girls, teenaged girls, adult women, and even wise old ladies.

So it all boils down to this: we ladies hate, hurt, and forge less-than-genuine friendships with each other simply because we don’t know how to directly express our competitive nature. Most of us know how to tone it down and behave amicably towards each other, but there’s always that woman lurking around in the shadows close by — that sneering, eye-rolling Negative Nelly who has seemed to make it her life’s mission to put other women down. You know the type of woman Marie Barone, Jackie Burkhart, Regina George, and Karen Walker would love… or hate with all their black hearts and souls.

So that sneering, eye-rolling Negative Nelly has preyed on you. She gives you the stink eye. She bad mouths you to other people. She scoffs at everything you say. She hates the very sight of you. She wants to see you crash and burn. So bad.

But why? What have you ever done to her, except maybe inadvertently look at her the wrong way that one time?

Well, that could be it. Maybe you glanced in her direction in the supermarket with an annoyed expression on your face (because the deli just closed and you didn’t have a chance to pick up some salami) without noticing her, and she mistook your expression as a dirty look specifically directed towards her.

That, or maybe she’s just jealous of your long flowing hair. If she’s not jealous of your hair, then maybe she feels threatened by you because her husband once had a crush on you in 8th grade. Her reason for seeing you as the world’s biggest abomination could be anything, and your guess is as good as anybody’s.

Whether her reason is petty or valid, there’s one thing that’s always, always, always true, and it’s that…

She hates the way you make her feel.

It’s that simple. She hates the way you make her feel. Being around you makes her feel insecure, jealous, offended, angry, nervous, threatened, or uncomfortable. Maybe you accidentally offended her with something you said that one time. Maybe your long legs make her feel insecure about her short and stubby legs. Maybe she feels that your achievements at work constantly overshadow hers. Maybe you bullied her in middle school and she never got over it.

Right now, some of you might have your aha! moment. Aha! It all makes sense now. You were a total snot to her in middle school, and you thought she had forgotten all about it. That, or you remember that one time when you called her fat. Or maybe you did look at her the wrong way at the supermarket. It all comes back to you, and you’re probably trying to figure out how to make it right again between the two of you.

As for the rest of you who are still sitting there, all bewildered and saying, “But… but why? I have been nothing but nice to her!”, then it’s likely that she has some deep-seated issues you didn’t cause, but instead inadvertently helped bring to light. In other words… it’s not you; it’s her.

She may secretly admire you but feel too inadequate to admit it.

In high school, I had a friend who was the loveliest girl ever. She was sweet, gentle, and kind to everyone she met. Her intelligence put her well beyond her years and made her astoundingly articulate. Last, but not least, she was stunning. She possessed the kind of striking beauty that turned heads in the street.

She sounds like someone who would have a lot of friends, right?

Not quite. A lot of girls at our school were mean to her for no apparent reason. One day, their cruel words sent my friend home in tears. She asked her mother what she had ever done to make other girls hate her.

Without saying a word, her mother pulled her in front of a mirror. “Do you see anything wrong with yourself?” she asked. My friend shook her head.

Her mother smiled. “Exactly. You’re beautiful, smart, and kind, and they’re mean to you because they want to be more like you.”

[Image source]

“You’re beautiful, smart, and kind, and they want to be more like you.” [Image source]

A while back, British writer Samantha Brick got a lot, and I mean a lot, of flak for writing an article titled Why Women Hate Me for Being Beautiful. I have to admit that some of the criticism directed towards her was justified, because Brick wrote in such an arrogant and condescending tone (“While I’m no Elle Macpherson, I’m tall, slim, blonde and, so I’m often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty — the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.”) However, there is an element of truth in her article: some beautiful women do experience bitter hatred from other women. The same goes for smart women, confident women, funny women, successful women, and women with other wonderful traits.

There’s a strange misconception among women that smarter, funnier, more confident, more beautiful, and more successful women lead perfect lives. It’s certainly not true. Every woman is fighting her own battle, no matter how many desirable traits she has.

Don’t think that other women may hate you because of your flaws; it’s because they want to have what you have, may it be your beauty, intelligence, strength, work ethic, confidence, body, radiant personality, or wealth. In this case, my best advice to you is to keep on being your awesome self and just try your best to ignore any negativity directed at you. They’re just jealous and there’s nothing you can do about it.

She may think you’re treading her turf.

I’m a woman and I’ll be the first to admit that women are very possessive creatures. I’d be lying if I said I never felt like doing this to someone else:

Have you ever started dating a guy only to find yourself automatically hating all of his female friends? How many standoffish mother-in-laws do you know? How many times have you seen a couple of girls (or grown women) fighting over a best friend? How many coworkers have you caught sneering at the cute new receptionist? The “I was here first” mentality is prominent among certain women, and if you come across one of them and then enter her turf one way or another, you’re not going to have a good time.

Turf wars have been going on since the beginning of mankind, only today it’s far more subtle and passive-aggressive. When you enter another woman’s turf as a new friend, girlfriend, employee, or even stranger, she immediately sees you as someone who’s disrupting her circle. Being the new lady on the block can be nerve-racking. You’ve entered a family, workplace, or circle of friends that already has its arrangements in place. Everyone has great rapport going on, and she might be afraid that you’ll disrupt it somehow with your newfound presence.

If you find yourself engaged in a turf war with another woman, then there’s not much you can do except stick around and hope for it to get better. Don’t enable her possessive behavior because you’ll stoop to her level and a full-fledged turf war could begin. It’ll be likely to fizzle out over time, especially if another woman enters the picture. The turf queen will shift her focus to the newcomer and unleash her wrath on the poor unsuspecting woman. In such an event, it’s your duty as a nice person to help the new victim feel welcome and hold her hand through the ordeal.

Braving through the wrath of Marie Barone together

She may view you as a threat.

As soon as my parents’ divorce got finalized, all of my mom’s female friends in the neighborhood suddenly stopped talking to her. My mom eventually found out that it was simply because she became a single woman who these women believed could entice their husbands out of their homes. (I’ll quote my mom here: “You couldn’t pay me a million bucks to touch any of these men with a 10 foot pole!”)

The Regina Georges in your life could feel threatened by you. They could be afraid that you’ll upstage them somehow. I’ve even heard of mothers firing the nanny just because their children accidentally called the nanny “mommy”.

When another woman feels threatened by you, her first reaction is to put you down as much as she can. She wants to cast a negative light on you to prevent you from rising above her. She does this by using her power to sabotage you. Such instances include a mother using her position as the boss to fire the nanny, a coworker using her solid reputation at work to throw the new employee under the bus, and a sister using her brother’s love and trust to convince him to break up with his girlfriend.

Don’t take it personally.

Let me repeat this for the upteenth time: IT’S NOT YOU; IT’S THEM.

If you’ve never done anything to another woman to warrant such cruel treatment from her, then it’s likely that she has some serious issues and she’s just taking them out on you. In other words… IT’S HER PROBLEM, NOT YOURS.

Have you ever heard of the social learning theory? It’s a theory that children learn certain social behaviors purely through observation or direct instruction. It’s been discovered that school-age girls who bully other girls are often raised by mothers who are mean-spirited towards other women and sometimes their own daughters. These little girls learned to tear apart and compete with other girls simply by observing their own mothers do the same thing. Bullies breed bullies; it’s a never ending cycle.

It’s not your fault. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just ignore them and keep being your awesome self. There are 7 billion people walking the earth right now; why let one person ruin your day? Life is short, after all.

  • Anonie

    Chiara,

    Thank you for writing such a refreshing, honest article about this sensitive subject. I have lived through every experience you have written about here.

    I have been blessed in many ways. Some of my blessings have been because of the luck of the draw. Most have been because of the choices I have made. I know that I appear to have it all and to have an easy life, but as you mention, that is not always the case. I have paid my dues.

    Some women are just b*#ch magnets! I have made peace with the fact that I am one of those women. The haters come in all age ranges, races, economic and social strata. I always make sure that I am ready for them. I also treasure my dear, true female friends. They help me keep things in a healthy perspective, and to realize that “it really is not me.”

    Letting time pass, keeping your cool and ignoring the hate that comes your way are the best strategies for me when it comes to dealing with hateful women.

  • Anonymous

    Two men can get into an argument..shake hands make up and be buddies…Two women get into an argument…they will hate each other for the rest of their lives

    • Kab

      Actually that isn’t true and is just another negative stereotype against women. I know because I have had arguments with other girls and then forgot about it later on. When my sister was in highschool she had a best friend and one day I heard her yelling on the phone and then angrily hanging up, I asked if they just had a fight and she said yeah, we get into a lot of fights but then we call an hour later and tell each other I’m sorry. Two of my friends got into an argument about 2 years ago when all 3 of us were out together and one ended up leaving because she was upset at the other and they are still friends today. My mom got into an argument with a friend many years back and they still get along today. These are just some examples and it is very doubtful that of the billions of women on this earth, that I am the only one with experiences such as these. This is just sexist drivel, and another way for men to convince themselves that they are so much more above women when truly they’re not that different. This idea that if two women get into an argument it spells the imminent destruction of their friendship is just ridiculous. Also I have a friend, we have been friends for 10 years and counting, we have not had one fight, not one argument, not even a disagreement in the 10 years we’ve known each other, so it is not only possible for two women to make up after a fight but to not have one at all.

    • Janet .

      There’s alot of truth to that. Guys I think are way more loyal and forgiving of oneanother in ways that women aren’t. Most women are constantly comparing themselves to eachother and trying to be superior. They also pretend to be friends with you sometimes just so they can wreak havoc with your life. I dont see men doing that. Men tend to back eachother up snd women throw eachother under the bus regularly.

    • Stacy Hirsh

      yeah that is why i can’t make friends with other women, they hold grudges for no reason.

  • anonymous

    Is it possible for a female to compete against a male? Cause that’s what has been happening to me my whole life, I’m befriended by a female, for no apparent reason, led on, played and dismissed or just hated for whatsoever reason. One time, after admitting my feelings for this one girl (approached me first, invited me to her birthday, told me she also had feelings for me, baked cookies to show her appreciation/interest), I made a small comment, not intended to hurt her in any way, she gives me the “evil eye” and backfires with (I love only my boyfriend and I don’t want you involved). It seems after all the lead ons she was waiting for me to slip, so she could lash out with all her hatred on me. (Defenseless at the same time, since my feelings were already in the open).

  • meh

    Spot on! I just heard from a friend that some women (mostly from the same age group) in our company don’t like me – and their primary reason is that I am ‘vain’. My friend also said they have a comment for almost all of my social media posts, and they don’t like the way I walk and talk. I’m kinda smart, not really that pretty, average body build- but I have good self-esteem. I admit that I do take care to look my best because it makes me feel good and ready to face the day, but it’s just not proper to project your insecurity as other people being haughty.

    It turns out the boyfriend of one of those women had a crush on me, and when they broke up she told people that I was dating her bf while they were together. The truth is we were always with other people (why doesn’t she target the other women we were with?). Some people are very ready to believe all those rumors.

    All this can be really funny because they spend all this time noticing me and talking about the things I do, but I have to draw the line when it starts affecting work.

  • Ace

    Thanks for the article! I seem to be a “bitch magnet” too- never could relate to other women, unless they’re “older and wiser” (I.e. kinda stopped trying to compete and became more whole-minded). I have exactly zero female friends despite being nice and non-judgmental. In addition, it seems that at every workplace that had other women, I would always run into one who would despise me without any input from my side. That would often be a girl about my age in a position slightly higher than mine (I.e. shift supervisor) and I would never understand what exactly did I do to get on her wrong side. I would apologize and try to keep peace, but that wouldn’t help much. The truth is, I am just the opposite of a “butt kisser”, I.e. I would never lie or demean myself just to make someone like me, and at times I could be outspoken, even blunt, but since it won’t be exactly obvious to me, I would end up being clueless as to what’s going on. I finally realized that those girls were feeling threatened or challenged by me, even though I couldn’t care less about taking their position or whatnot. I just started a new job and this very young female coworker of mine was asked to show me how to process money deposits and to let me do it myself so I could learn. Instead she did almost the opposite: quickly filled out the paperwork herself, all while acting inconvenienced by my presence and barely answering any questions I had. In addition, she would act in this condescending way whenever I ran into a problem, not even giving me a chance to try to fix it myself, making it look like I am incredibly slow or something (hey, it’s my third day working there!). I was naturally put off by that, but now it all makes sense. At least she doesn’t have the power to do anything to me, and I’ve decided that I would try the “killing with kindness” approach by being so incredibly nice to her, she’d probably hate me even more, haha. We’ll see how that works out.

    • Janet .

      I know how you feel. Iv’e encountered sabotage when trying to learn new skills at work before. That’s what I would call it and it can take different forms but it’s intent is the same. I have no tolerance for it anymore. I like to add as many skills as I can and like to be cross trained as much as possible. I have to learn by doing and being treated politely otherwise I can’t absorb it. The best revenge is being so successful that I can’t be minimized. There just is no pleasing some people.

  • Stacy1972

    Hey i have been going through this for years, even since high school. I am 41 years old and i still deal with this stupid drama, why can’t these b**ches just grow up?

    • Jennifer

      stacy,question pops into my head EVeRYDAY I hear yah! 42 here . Your not alone I work with 28-65 year olds a plethera of females and the men are NO BETTER in the happy field. Your not alone girl!

  • Jennifer

    one last thing that Pepsi commerical is DEMEANING. wHO the heck would do that and the look on that woman’s face is pure hatred. Maybe this is the problem misconception. I would never wave prissy like that in front of a woman or a man. What is that telling society? Also the blck woman/ blck man stereotype craving a “white” trophy…. please.

  • Janet .

    This article is so true! Another thing ive noticed is in a group of women they tend to tear down one girl in the group. I dont do well in groups of women usually because of this. I can be a bitch magnet too. I think its because I’m shy about reaching out to women for friendships, so the ones who take the initiative tend to be bitches . Its also hard for me to speak up when treated poorly and this just encourages them to rain down more unsolicited advice and insults. This article helps explain behaviour that has mystified me at times. Makes sense too, as sometimes no matter what , it seems some women just don’t like me . I guess my husband has become my best friend now ,as it just feels safer to me. My sister and a female coworker are my only female confidants as of late.

    • Respectfulguest

      Me too. I ‘feel’ you.

  • Gregg Rodriguez

    Women are so catty haha

    • Respectfulguest

      Catty yes. Funny no. :-(

  • Ren

    My female family members used to give me these reasons for why females treated me like crap, and I have always thought they were ridiculous explanations (I’m not saying what you’ve written is ridiculous, just that it has always been how I’ve felt). I have no idea if they’re true or not and probably will never know for sure–it’s not like you’re going to get it from the horse’s mouth. I just have always felt that it’s odd to tell yourself or say out loud, “Oh, they’re jealous” or “They’re threatened by me” or “They want to be like me.” It feels arrogant. Plus, there’s nothing special about me for those things to even be true, I feel. I mainly like how I am, but I don’t think I warrant bitchiness to the degree of this article. Yet, I’ve gotten it all my life and continue to get it.

  • kate

    Great article, and I totally agree. Now, explain this to my twenty-something daughter who just lost her job due to one of these work-place bitches.

    • Respectfulguest

      I am so sorry about that. Losing a job is devastating and finding a new one even more difficult. Pray. As the Psalm 51 says: a broken and humbled heart, God will not despise.
      ** I see that It is two years later, I hope that she is in a new job and a better situation now.

  • Sierrashrew

    I recently had been bullied by the woman I was hired to be a temporary assistant to. I’m a very nice, quiet, easy going person and I readily accept others, quirks and all. I wouldn’t call myself pretty, but I was thinner than the woman I was hired to work with and I do like to wear clothes that look flattering on me (but not overly revealing or unprofessional).
    Early on I noticed she liked to gossip and put down others in the office, while acting like their best buddy to their faces. I felt like at times she was noting things I said that could be used as dirt on me later. I knew it would only be a matter of time before the knife was in my back. I had been out of work for a long time due to the economy in the area I live, and was nervous about doing good, so I worked really hard. At first everything was going well, my supvisor liked me, as did the CEO. I was kept on for a longer amount of time.
    The CEO then retired and the mood of the office started changing. I started to have some cognitive problems and made some mistakes. (I was later diagnosed with shingles in the inner ear, which had started to spread, causing intolerable headaches with enormous pressure in my head.) I noticed that even though the supervisor included me in things, this woman tried to exclude me. Sometimes she wouldn’t even look at me when I was talking to her. She behaved differently to others in the office. The sicker I got, the more she badgered me, found more that she could report that I did wrong, etc. I felt like I just wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear.
    A new CEO was hired and I still continued to work very hard, even though I would go home exhausted. I never called in sick the whole time I worked there. The nit picking still continued and I accepted it due to the sensitive nature of the documents I worked on (tax credits), but I kept feeling that no matter what I did or how hard I tried, the way this woman felt about me would never change. I had a couple of times that I had to fight to stay concious and not pass out, one being in a staff meeting. I interviewed for a permanent position and did awful on the interview because I was pretty much in a zombie state by that time. Of course, I did not get the job.
    It seemed to me she really had a hard time hiding the joy she felt. I felt a huge weight was taken off my shoulders when I left there for the last time, even though I was sad to leave some of the nice people there behind. I got my diagnoses a week and a half later and it took about six months for me to recover. By the way, no one asked if I ended up being allright, not everyone knew I was going through several medical tests and seeing a neurologist, but my supervisor did and she did. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was spreading poison like “Oh, I don’t think there was anything wrong with her!” after my departure.
    I”m now taking a class to become a certified care assistant for the elderly and have been picked up by the agency’s job placement program. I feel as if I dodged a bullet and am looking forward to life again. I am very happy I don’t have to deal with badger-woman anymore.

    • Respectfulguest

      I wish you the best.

  • Right On

    Thank you for writing this article. You have given me some emotional peace, at least for this evening.

  • Su

    I never never comment on forums or articles – but this article is really really good. I had more than one Aha momets. Thank you very much for writing the article. Look forward to reading more of your work

  • Nicholas DeShane

    Women hating women is probably the prominent reasom men were successfully the dominate gender for so long rather than increased athleticism. The second a handful of you were able to stand sranding side by side other women for ten minutes things started to change.

    • Ceunei

      A patriarchal culture encourages dissonance between those considered lesser human in order to assure the resources are only available for the few deemed worthy. Manacle the women, control the people.

      • Respectfulguest

        Men are inherently competitive in a healthy sense. Women are not. They want to hurt others and are inherently jealous creatures.

        • C’est Moi

          are you serious? who does the most abusing and assaulting in this world? men

  • Joan

    Great article. Aha moment for sure.-Especially when women are in 3’s. They said threes a crowd. So I have been the crowd, and pretty left out-things don’t change even when women are older. Matter of fact it gets worse. Think they are sincere and a really good friend until they slap in the face on facebook and you find out they lied you.

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  • Jess

    Wow! Incredible info. I am always wondering what is wrong witih me when there’s nothing I do but smile, be kind and sweet and truly interested in other women. It’s very difficult and this has helped me immensily! Thank you!

  • Jimson

    It is not unusual for someone to detest somebody who bullied them in school or called them fat. So I think this article is way off base. If you have bullied people in the past and they don’t like you, maybe you need to suck it up and deal with it.

    • sick of it

      Shut the fuck up people like you is definitely what’s wrong with the world today.

  • Jimson

    Also, I would say don’t try and be friends with someone who already has a “best friend”. This never works. Their best friend is someone they’ve known longer and you will always be the third wheel. My advice to anyone in this situation is to walk away from it, and forget about it.

  • pumilio

    you have just explained why a lot of young women and even some older women aren’t supporting Hilary Clinton. She is smarter, richer and has had a life that they will never have. They just can’t stand it.
    I dont really like her either probably for the same reasons, but
    I vote with my brains and not with the bias built into my 2 x chromosomes.

    • Layla

      I don’t care that Hillary is a woman. I don’t like her because she’s shady as shady can be.

      • Diane Kahl

        Shady? And Trump is a flat-out whore. Are you happy? Hillary has advocated for women and girls and children since in college. Learn to READ going forward. Hey, you have Trump now! Enjoy! He’s going to dismantle all healthcare and the EPA and public education! Glad I chose not to have children.

    • Ceunei

      Maybe some. I merely believe Bernie Sanders will be a better President more fit for the times. Hillary Clinton will be a great first woman Vice President, however, then maybe, next time? I’m not so sure, however, I want to vote for the establishment that supported the war declared on my Generation X way back in 1987. The very same war extended to Generation Y and now my child’s Generation Z.
      My MIL is currently trying to go in on me, BTW, and I’m tired for women in her age group doing so, but it has nothing to do with my attitude toward Hillary Clinton. I want Bernie Sanders to win, so I will vote for him and since I’m a Moderate, I’m pretty surprised by my choice for President.

    • Meadowbrook

      I will not vote for Hillary Clinton because she epitomizes the rotten women detailed in this article ruining other women’s lives who her husband had affairs with and raped! Wake up women, voting for her is just plain stupid!

      • Barb

        So true. right on! SHE is a bully!

        • Diane Kahl

          So now you have Trump, woman hater and humanity hater who wants to punish women who have abortions. Nice going. Next time use some discernment.

    • jenn j

      No I don’t believe women are jealous of Hillary Clinton she’s old and creepy looking and sounds like she has some screws loose

  • Jessica

    This has been happening to me at work. They are obsessed with talking crap about how other people look instead of looking at themselves. They have nothing better to do with their lives. Please keep in that they have children and in their mid or late 20s. They are jealous and catty! Also even some who are older too.

  • Ceunei

    To put it frankly: There is no sisterhood. I brought this up with an 80-something lady, and mentioned how the relational aggression is passed down from mother to daughter, and she got really nervous.
    My little family moved to a small town, and apparently I threaten just about every woman my age here, as well as those ten years younger, and don’t get me started on my elders.
    The only way I can think to help change this is for everyone to read “Screamfree Parenting” by Hal Edward Runkel, and then apply the techniques and maybe, just maybe our daughters can grow up without eviscerating each other, too.
    Dividing the women against themselves is a ploy to control a people by manacling its women.

    • Artistmom

      I am the black sheep of my community. I see moms at my kids’ school who pretend they don’t see me. I am avoided like the plague. I’m in my mid 40s, still fairly attractive, and a painter. I teach 2 classes a week, have kids of my own. One of them has mild autism and life is not easy. I am rather quiet, but am pleasant. I am alone in the world, having been raised by a mother who terrorized me and was bullied mercilessly by a boy 5 years older when I was 5 years old, and then again my freshman year by another boy. Yeah, my life is perfect. Too bad these women make snap judgments.

  • JinJin

    I’m a 45 year old asian woman living in Los Angeles and still getting hated on. Been dealing with haters since I can remember. Just to make sure it’s definitely not me, I make a conscious effort to keep my side of the street clean and my house in order. On a daily basis. What does this mean? It means I’m honest with myself. I try to control myself, correct myself, improve myself. I just want to evolve. I think we’re either evolving or devolving, progressing or regressing. I’m so sick & tired of the games people play. Who cares about whose better than, greater than, cooler than? Ultimately, God is greatest and all this comparing and competing & bullying causes us to hate one another. It is the devil’s handiwork; trying to destroy what God has created; trying to rob us of love, joy, peace & hope. I’ve heard it said that pride & vanity were Satan’s greatest sins. Too many of us are drunk off the koolaide. The devil’s water it ain’t so sweet, you don’t have to drink right now (that’s an actual song lyric). I believe in unity. Separation is a poison which slowly kills us. Thank you Chiara for telling it like it is. FAITH. HOPE. LOVE

    • Barb

      I agree, and LOVE your philosophy!

  • JinJin

    ….(cont’d) Btw you know it’s the devil’s handiwork if the end result is hate & misery. We are being pitted against each other desperately having to prove our superiority over each other like mindless minions of an invisible force we cannot see or comprehend. It’s a zero sum game. Spiritual warfare, if you really want to know. The enemy is within, crippling us with insecurities, which creates an inferiority complex, which we desperately cover up as a constant need to be superior, thus projecting our insecurities onto others, particularly those who remind us of our deeply repressed feelings of inadequacy. That’s where the aggression & nastiness comes from. It’s like little worms eating away at their self esteem, their confidence & their peace of mind. They are miserable & they don”t know what to do about it so they find someone to blame, perhaps trying to dump their misery onto someone else so they can be free of it. I happen to be an easy target since I attract alot of attention, unintentionally. The attention is both positive & negative in equal measure. Of course all this is from my own perceptions. I’ve experienced it my whole life and I just needed to try to understand WHY???

    • Respectfulguest

      I understand, and you make good points. I have just accepted that i won’t have any friendships and though I still like women, I don’t trust them anymore. I am not perfect either. I have been going through some challenging times lately which have been difficult to adjust to. I sometimes feel envy towards those women I know who have what I used to have. I know now what others may have felt towards me once upon a time. I am aware of this ‘sin’ or ‘negativity’ within me, and I simply try to keep myself from that ‘temptation’ by not seeing those women that are obnoxious about themselves and what they have, and concentrating on my own life and family. I think what when children are not brought up to accept that envy and jealousy are very real emotions, albeit negative ones, then they don’t know how to deal with them when they feel them-so they get gossipy, judgemental, catty and nasty towards the object of their jealousy or insecurity instead.

    • jenn j

      omg just the way you wrote that is worded so well. That is so true and exactly what is happening people have developed these absurd insecurities and they’re so cold and hateful and full of so many awful feelings that they project on to others that it’s difficult to live in this society with people who think and feel this way this abnormal hatred insecurity in and feelings of inferiority. Rather than excepting and loving each other people are just so screwed up judge mental hateful immature twisted deranged and dark inside and you’re right it is spiritual warfare and these stupid people don’t get it. And the reason they’re so affected by it is because they’re sleeping and have no awareness so that’s why it’s ruining them inside and when you’re positive and full of light and you project that light it brings out all that hate in them and they are just pathetic sick people and these kinds of losers are everywhere

  • Dirty_Martini

    If you grew up with a “Mommy Dearest” type, it is easy to not trust or like other women.

  • Mia

    There were girls in my college who used to torchure me on a daily basis and ostracise me .Two of them even got me kicked off the hostel.I used to wonder what I had done to be at the receiving end of such hatred.There were female teachers who behaved like this.They hurt me so much.Those days were so hard.

    • Respectfulguest

      My eighth grade teacher (!!) who was a bit on the heavy side and in her twenties hated me (13 years old) or was jealous of me I guess. She ostracized me from a class play which every one else was in (it was a small parochial school), humiliated me infront of the class daily by laughing about how I blushed or that I was like ‘a bump on a log’, and often punished me by sending me out of the room for no reason…she literally bullied me and emotionally abused me. On the last day of school, she called me into another classroom alone and *apologized* for her behavior to me!!! –and told me not to tell any of the other students. Well–the damage was done at that point. Thanks alot.

  • Ash Nunya

    I had a friend for twelve years and when I started dating the guy she liked she flipped out on me even though they weren’t dating . I had actually tried not to even look at him for almost a year because she liked him , but I helped him move into his house because he was part of our friend group and we fell in love. I’ve tried talking to her and everything abd so have our friends but not only does she say she hates me and wishes to bury me in the concrete of a buildings foundation, she actually has delusions that she was going to move in with my boyfriend before we dated and they weren’t even in a relationship! Jealousy can be mentality crippling, and sometimes it comes on a very unexpected and undeserved level , some women are territorial on people that they have no right to be territorial of and I feel pity every time I think of her because that friend causes herself so much pain by hating the people who love her. Sometimes the people we love turn against us because we just have better luck and have what they don’t , and it’s a sad thing. I learned a long time ago when I hated someone that it was making me sick and letting go was the best decision of my life.

  • Matisse

    I had 3 women that lived behind my home make all kinds of comments like she thinks she is so cute!! Why is she gardening I might break a nail if I did that! All she does is play with her dog and garden!! She isn’t that cute! She should leave that man she is with! ON & ON & ON they didn’t stop all Summer until they finally couldn’t take seeing me in my own backyard mind you!! They moved away!!! I heard the one’s husband tell her your pretty too! They annoyed the heck out of me!

    • Respectfulguest

      They got carried away with their jealousy of you to such a degree, that the husband knew it! I have seen husbands boast about their wives in public to appease their wives jealousy. It is pathetic.

  • Janet .

    With women there is no such thing as being able to have confidence. Whenever I try to rise above my not so great self esteem, a woman will usually attempt to put me back in my place. It’s allways women who say who does she think she is?

  • panait ciprian

    It is also you. You do not need to be friends with everybody. If you do not share common beliefs, goals or simply cannot get along just let that frirndship go.

  • hopeful_61

    Have been experiencing this lately from a “friend” (actually a frenemy, as I have recently determined). This woman is in her late 50’s, so it is really quite sad and pitiful. I have decided that as life gets shorter I do not have to deal with this so I have been distancing myself. She is not at all happy about this so ramps up her sourpuss faces and judgment/criticism when I’m around her, which she carefully tries to camouflage with “friendliness”. She is a toxic busybody, plain and simple, thrives off obtaining and spreading gossip to make herself feel superior. Her behavior is so transparent it is classic. I do feel she is jealous of me because I do not judge EVERYone, I let people be who they are, warts and all. People tend to like me because of this. No, I am not perfect but I always try to be kind. Her behavior is her problem, not mine and I can choose to not allow this toxic type of “friend” into my life. It is my right. And guess what, Ms. Frenemy…I am going to exercise it!

  • Respectfulguest

    So glad that someone finally wrote about this. I am not aggressive by nature, and am very nice and kind to everyone. That can be a very hard thing when you need to work. i know that not being ‘aggressive’ makes other women believe that you are not good at your job or not smart. It is a very difficult thing being nice. I have raised my daughter to be nice too. Sometimes it makes life very difficult in this cut throat culture. I like women but life has taught me that if you don’t have a good friend or sister or cousin from childhood on, you won’t really ever make a real ‘friend’ that won’t be jealous of you or threatened by you at some time or in some capacity. Thank God I have had my mother, my grandmother before her, and my daughter,

  • RedGirl89

    American women are the worst when it comes to female on female crime. I get dirty looks from women all the time. If they are with their boyfriend and I walk by, they’ll put their arms around the guy and kiss him. Basically, they’re trying to send a message that the guy’s taken. I just don’t get why it has to be that way. I do consider myself good-looking, though I wouldn’t call myself beautiful. Just because I am attractive doesn’t mean I’m going to take anyone’s man. Ugh!

  • Patricia Sahw

    I have been brutally stabbed in the back so many times from various women in my adult life. I would not trust another woman to save my life. I prefer the company of men.

  • MisSAY

    Majority of women are just plain catty. I could tell you dozens of stories of dealing with catty women. Sometimes it’s best to continue on and let them be catty

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  • Daisy

    I don’t consider Samantha Bricks comments arrogant. She is more than likely correct and doing nothing more than writing about her observations. I have literally, after completing a grueling workout and congratulating myself on getting through it, had a woman shout at me “Why are you always trying to make me look bad!” And her snotty little friends all sneered. They didn’t want to work hard enough to see real results. I have also had a co-worker accuse me of being “one competitive chick” and then stop speaking to me because I was asked to take her position because she wasn’t getting things done. I have another friend who follows a strict paleo diet and works out 5 days a week and competes in crossfit. I have had women say directly to me that they can’t wait until she gets old, her metabolism slows down and she gets to see how the rest of us feel. The fact is this will never happen to her. She is far to disciplined and if these women would be as disciplined as she is, they would also be as fit as she is. Women are catty because they don’t want to work. They can only tear other women down to make themselves feel better.

    • jenn j

      Yeah its so sad rather than working out and making themselves look better they hate on the people who look good it’s pathetic and sickening. Fat women do this ugly or old women do this to and you can tell they are jealous of the young pretty women and subconsciously this affects young pretty women I think I’m subconsciously gaining weight because I’m so sick of being treated so badly by people because when people torment you if you look beautiful and gorgeous and then it still makes you want to change yourself because they’re destroying who you are and sometimes that’s not easy to handle

  • J Days

    Just tired of being ostracized on EVERY Avenue of life. I DID Not do one Damn thing to you, REMEMBER YOU KNOW YOU’LL ONE DAY BE JUDGED THAN BE THE JUDGER,,,,,,,,,,,,,!

  • jenn j

    I’m constantly dealing with jerks like this but it’s never as bad as this one place I go to which is a “spiritual place ” I’ve been going there for years and the people there treat me so badly that I can’t even stand to be around them for a second I pretty much take my food and leave today I try talking to one of the girls since I hadn’t been there in a long time. The way this ugly nasty bitch treated me was horrendous really I hope someone punches her hair out how can anyone be so rude to another person. Honestly people like that I want to teach them a lesson this useless thing goes to this group and pretends to be spiritual and she seems like a positive nice person but deep down she’s evil and dark people that do this truly should be just kicked up side the head or something

    People are jealous of me because I’m beautiful but it’s not all people I live in Orlando Florida and the entire city is the kind of place that hates women like me however I can go to other cities and people will like me or treat me differently I hope people who treat others badly I don’t know what I hoped but I hate these people

  • S Bennett

    So finally I understand that this has happened throughout my life from women I thought were my friends only to turn against me. I never put two and two togeather until a decent friend told me “they are jealous of you “. When I think back it has happened over and over again but I have always made excuses for the behaviour of my so called friends.
    The amount of time I was told ” you think you’re perfect ” I couldn’t understand, I don’t and never have done , why would they say that…..
    today I am fine within my skin. I know who I am and have always been a kind caring human being, but the haters gonna hate hate hate !

  • Leah

    Thank you for this.

    Reading about this is so hard because every other article says, “It’s you.” I had so many girl friends growing up, and once I got into high school, college, and older it all turned sour.

    I don’t hate women, I don’t put women down, I don’t want to steal anyone’s boyfriend or friends or anything else.. what could I possibly be doing to deserve the hate some women give me?

    I’m tired of hearing that I deserve being cussed out, shouted at, sabotaged, and torn down for reasons no one can tell me, but I must be doing something to cause it all it otherwise I’d have tons of women friends.

  • WEST SIDE OF TOWN

    reminds me of a woman who moved in across the street,,i tried to be nice and she “mean mugs” me constantly, i figured out that it is because she is very overweight and most likely unhappy with her appearance and it has nothing to do with me,its not my fault she is overweight and i am not,,i just tried to be a kind neighbor! what a shame it has to be that way..i got over it quick but she still hasnt lost a pound or that crappy attitude!